The Metta World Peace Inner Monologue

The thoughts of Metta World Peace during the James Harden incident

By: Austin Ngaruiya

Everyone seems to be confused about Metta World Peace’s actions during the Lakers-Thunder game. It’s safe to say World Peace has a screw or two loose, and that he is not always in control. We will never truly know what he was thinking during that vicious elbow he gave James Harden, but here is a good guess:

Whoa, Kobe just passed me the ball, and now I have a one on three fastbreak; I have to take advantage of this. I can’t mess this up like I have before… I think Justin Beiber is here and I want to impress him.

The basket seems pretty far away, I’m not sure I can keep my dribble for that long.

Alright, almost there, but Kevin Durant is in my way, and I think Ibaka is pretty close behind me. Doesn’t matter, my name is World Peace so I like my chances!

Did I just split two defenders? I might be able to get a layup– wait, I’m still rising. I think I can dunk this. I JUST DUNKED ON KEVIN DURANT AND SERGE IBAKA! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I hope Justin saw that.

Now for my ferocious fist pump for all of Staples Center to see. I am Metta World Peace, hear me roar.

Wait, who is this getting in the way of my celebration? I’ll just give him a little nudge with my elbow. Um, why is Serge Ibaka trying to fight me? I know I dunked on you, but get over it man. Sheesh, and they say that I’m the violent one.

Wait, why am I being kicked out of this game for excessive celebration? This isn’t the NFL! Of course I didn’t mean to hit him, I changed my name to World Peace for a reason.

This is totally unfair. I’ll just leave before someone throws a beer on me and I go Ron Artest on them. Maybe I can catch dinner with Justin if I’m lucky.